Analog Heart. Restless. Terrified.

I can't sleep. When I do sleep, it isn't sound. I am irritable. I am concerned. I worry. I can feel my brain wearing out it's cells. I can feel the blood pressure rising.

I am terrified of the "What if"s. Naturally. We're human. But "What if"s aren't good for you. The mind, especially. I turn to my Husband for wisdom and distraction. I drown myself in music, more specifically, The Backstreet Boys, some Keane and little bit of David Cook, for some peace. Yes. I'm bitten by the talent. And I've just recently got myself David Cook's award winning album "Analog Heart". I actually had this rush of excitement whilst browsing David Cook's MySpace page and he was online at the same time. Well, assuming that it was him. Playing "Analog Heart" + moderately loud volume = peace. Mission; distraction - achieved.

Moving along. With everything that's silently going on in my head, I forgot to pick up Aelyza's birthday cupcakes for the party. Am praying the shop doesn't sell it off. Will pick it up first thing in the morning, InsyaAllah. Oh, I feel terrible.

I wonder what goes on in other people's mind when grave news is delivered. Especially spouses. Parents. Children. Siblings. As a daughter, I certainly can't begin to describe the jungle of emotions. The flood gates are open. And funny how they use the word "grave" to describe that things are, in deed, bad.

Husband is sleeping. I should take my place next to him now. And Dad. I love you. So much. Only Allah s.w.t. knows the intensity of it.

Anis.