Dedication

Alhamdulillah, my darling Husband has completed his thesis.
This is his dedication.

I am proud. And in love, even more so. Ever more.

A song that makes it all (slightly) better

The Rescuers - Tomorrow is another day

Grieving

Routine check-up for Baby Peanut on July 5th.
I feel fine.

Doc scans tummy.
I can see the baby, snug in the womb.
Doc measures the Crown to Romp length; estimated age is 8weeks +
First red flag.
Baby is supposed to be 10 weeks.

Doc uses a heat doppler.
Everything around the baby was red.
Another red flag.
There's no red dot near the chest.

My heart was racing.
I knew something was wrong.

Doc used the sound finder to detect the sound of baby's heartbeat.
Silence.

Then everything came crashing.

Our baby is gone.
Peanut is still inside me.
I don't feel any less pregnant.
But Peanut is gone.

There are no words.

Movement

My tummy moved.

I'm only 9 weeks in.
I didn't feel anything,
but I was standing under the shower and looking at the bump.
Then it just sort of, twitched.

It might me muscle.
It might be the stomach stretching to accomodate the growing baby.

Nevertheless. It was such a blissful thing.
:)