Art of Life (04)

Image courtesy of dontdatethatdude

A memory reel stutters to life. In her head, this time 2 years ago.

"You broke my heart,
Into pieces upon pieces.
So I did to you the only thing I knew;
The thing I learnt from you -
Breaking hearts.

So I broke yours.
I guess we're even then."

*smirks*

[Inspired by Postsecrets]

Tahniah Ummi dan Ayah baru!

Alhamdulillah a good friend has given birth to their first baby girl. Both mommy and baby are in good condition I gather (sebab lepas labour terus dia boleh hantar SMS).

Congratulations to Syazwan Rahimy and Faridatul Bariza
Alhamdulillah, MasyaAllah... Allah s.w.t. has blessed the both of you with a healthy, beautiful baby girl. Sofeah, is it?

Tahniah.
Rest well. Great sleepless nights ahead as parents.

Matt & Anis

EAT

I eat a lot! I mean, a lot! After a normal portioned meal, I'll be hungry again in about two hours. If I just snack, I'll be hungry by the end of the hour. The big loaf of bread is consumed by yours truly, singlehandedly, although not in one sitting. Little embryo is growing fast, I suppose.

InsyaAllah, we'll be seeing how Lil E is doing in the tummy tomorrow. Hopefully all is well. InsyaAllah Lil E is growing at a normal rate and no complications will arise.

Oh dear. I am so hungry. But I never know what I want to eat. Plus, since my bad throwing up stint last two weeks, I've lost a few kgs. Need to reimburse. :D For baby's sake... :D

Husband is showering. Going for dinner after prayers. I feel like I can eat a whale! A WHALE!

I hope to eat healthy.

Famished Anis.

Blessings

People usually have this to say about their loved ones: When I count my blessings, I count you twice. I never really understood that. Why would anyone count blessings? Is it even countable? I suppose it's their way of saying that they feel blessed that their loved ones are theirs.

Like my Husband. He's a blessing. A wonderful blessing. He saved me from my own moral and spiritual destruction. Never really was an angel. Felt very distant in terms of religion - like, you know you're not suppose to do something but you do it anyway because you "tak yakin" that one day you will be resurrected and all dues will be payed. I admit I was one of those people that think, "Oh, I can repent tomorrow or when I'm older. Works for some people." But with Husband, everything changed.

I tawakkal more. I believe more. I love more.

And Husband is a blessing in terms of - well, everything. Breakfast in the mornings are taken care of. Laundry, check. Dishes, check. Loving me, check. I am still recovering my strength after a somewhat gruesome 2 1/2 weeks. And everything is taken care of.

Husband takes good care of me. I feel down sometimes because I'm the only one I know who goes through a very turbulent first trimester. My mother and sister in-law don't even know what to tell me concerning remedies for nausea and the excessive vomiting because they never went through it. They breezed through their pregnancies. But Husband reassures me that everything is okay, and that we're doing great. It may seem trivial, but that really helped me get through everything.

I started writing this with so many things to say. But everything escapes me now. I'm just drenching myself in the blessing that is you, Husband. All in all, I'm only left with this to say:

Husband, you are a wondrous blessing. I am truly blessed to be with you. And that you're mine to count.

Yours

Jantung hilang seketika

Whilst waiting for Zuhur prayers, aku dok berkemban tunggu Husband habis wudhu', sambil-sambil tu aku surf internet. Nothing unusual. Tak rasa anything different. Then I caught sight of red stains on the towel. Terkejut.

Blood! Dari mana datang nya tu? Aku punya ka? Without thinking, I barged into the bathroom, banging Husband with the door. I panicked. Is this blood? Is this my blood? My heart wasn't pumping fast. It was - gone, for a split second.

Husband calmed me down. Talked to Mom on the phone. She advised to solat first, then go see a doctor. Mana pulak nak carik doctor yang boleh buat antenatal on Diwali eve ni? However, had a few places in mind. By this time, I was very calm. Thanks to Husband.

Doctor checked. Alhamdulillah, everything ok. He couldn't perform an ultrasound, but my vitals were stable. Normal. BP, pulse, temperature - all normal. Alhamdulillah.

The thing is, we don't know where the blood came from. Tak perasan. Just wanted to make sure. Be safe. It could've been from a cut or a nose bleed. Tawakkal. InsyaAllah baby is ok. Instinct says baby is ok. InsyaAllah.

Whoa. That was quite an experience. And a scare.

Anis

Scared

Been throwing up a lot. Too much to my liking. I don't know what's normal and what's not. Husband thinks I'm losing weight. I do too. I feel like it. I'm terrified. Maybe it's paranoia. I cannot tell.

Doctor's appointment is in a week. Need to postpone a day later. Husband has exams. Does not help with my phobia or paranoia that the clinic couldn't be reached yesterday.

I want to see a doctor soon. I want to know if 9 week-old baby is okay. I want to know if I'm okay.
I am scared.

*inhales. deep. breaths*

*exhales dramatically*

I just want to know.

Anis

Babyproofing

Everytime I walk around in a babystore or (my favourite) Babies R Us, I glance through the babyproofing section. Some of the stuff are so weirdly form, I often say "what on God's green earth is this?". Canggih. And expensive.

I used to think those stuff for babyproofing the home is just a marketing ploy of selling things you didn't need. I was very, very wrong. And ignorant.

I thought, "Ala, orang dulu-dulu takda pun benda ni semua, ok je anak-anak." But I forget that my brother and I bear scars now (maybe) because of that lack of babyproofing the house. And my Husband. I can only imagine the horror his mother felt when he leapt out of the second-floor balcony and landed flat on his butt, claiming "Tom & Jerry can do it?!".

Once my niece learnt how to crawl, everything became hazardous. Especially wall plugs and corners of furnitures. Now that she can run around, it only made the house a place that welcomes injury. And she loves to play with everything but her toys. Now I see the importance of the (sometimes) over priced babyproofing items. We'll definitely do our best to babyproof our room, at least.

On another note, Husband and I have made a decision on what crib toy to get for our baby, InsyaAllah. Fisher Price® Rainforest™ trumps Ocean Wonders™. The former is more appealing. But we've decided to buy only what we need now. One item a month. One important item a month, that is. Although I have absolutely no idea what is important to get first. Help!

And we sure know how to obsess. We're currently obsessing over an IKEA wall lamp that would be perfect for the nursery. However, the item is temporarily out of stock. Darn it!

I contemplated going to the doctor to get some prescription drugs that could help suppress the the nausea and the vomiting. I've been vomiting constantly and I fear that I might be dehydrated. Scary. But some friends who are mothers gave some really helpful tips that I can't wait to try out. Drugs would be our last resort.

Anis

Diam memikir

Banyak dugaan masa mengandung ni. Mood kena in-check always. Sabar tu kena extra dari selalu. Mulut tu kena tapis dua tiga kali. Telinga lagi la. Sabar...

Pening kepala pikir bilik ni nak buat bila. Kena rombak semula furnitures (mostly bookcases) yang ada dalam bilik ni. Make room for the crib and the drawer for the baby stuff. First, landing kat luar bilik ni kena kemas dulu. Wedding presents yang kami terima berbulan dulu masih mengutip habuk di luar tu. Have to pack nicely in a box. Duit gaji mesti banyak akan habis kat IKEA ni in the months to come, beli kotak dan containers. Organised. Aku suka.

Daybed yang juga mengutip habuk kat luar tu (a purchase thanks to my mother's spur of the moment spending. Tak perlu pun daybed tu sebenarnya. Dia suka-suka beli) nak suruh Abang ambik untuk jadikan katil anak dia. Budak tu kecik, tapi tidur macam orang tua. Melintang sana, melintang sini. So katil pun kena katil orang tua.

Apa lagi ya? Oh, nak hire the per-hour cleaners suruh cuci bilik air. Scrub atas bawah sampai berkilat semua. Bukan tak boleh buat sendiri. Bukan malas. Tapi tu kerja berat. Strain sangat on the body.

Masih dalam minggu yang morning sickness teruk. And I mean, teruk! Takut dehydrated. Antenatal check up next week, macam-macam nak tanya doctor. InsyaAllah, all will go well. Tak sabar nya nak tengok si kecil dalam perut ni tengah buat apa. Dia ok ka? Since aku ada retroverted uterus, will the coming months of pregnancy be ok and safe? Seram. Tapi tawakkal.

Harap-harap ayahanda dan ibunda akan pulang ke tanahair soon. Aku mau manja dengan ibunda. Suruh dia masak macam-macam. Dia boleh start delegate task and tolong kemas bilik kakak ipar dan landing tu supaya bilik ni will be ready for the baby (stuff). Aduh, rindu nya.

Anis

Out of the Blue

Have been thinking a lot about what's to come. Nothing major or anything, other than the baby, of course, insyaAllah. Random thoughts at random moments.

I was always taught to say "Alhamdulillah, MasyaAllah" when someone praises me/what I do/people I know and love. But when I say it, they think I'm conceited. They expect the "eh, mana ada! Takda lah" to things like "Awak pandai la" or "Cantik nya baju awak". Dah orang puji. Cakap "Mana ada" tu macam kita doa supaya kita ni tak pandai/baju tak lawa. Pelik.

Lagi satu pasal "MasyaAllah". Bukankah kita patut lafaz "MasyaAllah" pada perkara yang elok-elok. Like babies. We say, "Comelnya, masyaAllah". Ni kang banyak orang nampak atau dilanda musibah lafaz "MasyaAllah". Sungguh pelik. And somewhat annoying. Concerning this matter, only Allah s.w.t. knows.

I just realised that due to the pushing back of the release date for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Husband and I may not be able to watch it because WE'RE HAVING A BABY. Or insyaAllah by the time of its release, we'll already have a baby. I curse WB for the move to a "Summer Slot". Takkan nak jadi one of those parents yang bawak a 3 month old baby pegi tengok wayang midnight show. We've all seen those people. Tak paham aku manusia ni.

"Masters macam mana?" is what people say when they see me and I tell them we're having a baby. Honestly, the baby is our top priority. InsyaAllah in the future, if Allah s.w.t wills it and ada rezeki, will continue my Masters some other time.

Anis

Morning sickness

As usual, after Husband and I are done with subuh prayers and a very short wirid (itu pun nasib baik sempat wirid), I'd be quickening my pace to the toilet and have the whole glass of water I just chugged down when I woke up, shoot right out of me.

Some mornings, like today, I'd hear another lady some houses away, throwing up quite heavily. Hers is worse, I suppose, because she's louder. I wonder, "is she pregnant too? Oh, she sounds horrible. Poor thing." I couldn't help smiling though. Morning sickness. It's a wonderful experience, actually. This is the first trimester of a pregnancy. There's a baby, insyaAllah, growing inside of you. :D I bet that lady is quite happy to be throwing up as well.

Husband and I have been reading the baby book we bought. It's very helpful. We now understand why morning sickness happens and how to ease the discomfort a little. We're in our 7th/8th week which marks the worst wave of morning sickness, or so to speak. We're hoping it tones down after Week 12 or so.

Here's hoping.
And here's a question; Why "morning" sickness when it doesn't only happen in the morning? For me, it's round the clock. The only time I don't feel like throwing up is when I'm asleep.

Anis

Heartbeats

We saw our Little One's heartbeat today.
Subhanallah. MasyaAllah.
It was the most beautiful flickering, white dot I've ever seen.
Steady. Fluttering. Strong.
That's our 7 weeks and 4 days Little Embryo.

Allah s.w.t is Great. Mighty.
We are truly blessed.
We are very grateful to Him.
Alhamdulillah.

Our hearts swell with so much pride and happiness, it seems World Peace is possible.
I love you, Ayahanda.
I love you, Little One.

Bonda.

My Super Hubby-bi

Truly, I am blessed. For my husband is my Husband.

Since the beginning of October, the pregnancy seems to be taking it's toll on me. I am officially a "toilet-hugger". Yes, that's how badly I've been throwing up. Even when everything is already out via projectile vomiting, I still have to throw up. So, the abdominal muscle start to cramp and the throat burns from the acidic stomach bile, leaving me exhausted afterwards.

Husband being who he is, is my rock. Always telling me what a wonderful job I'm doing at handling things, and myself. Always offering to dash to the store to get exactly what I want to eat. Always running to the toilet when he hears me hurling. Always reminding me that apa yang jadi pada kita adalah yang terbaik untuk kita, no matter how bad things seem at that moment. Always my rock. Always the best man!

On days I am hit badly with nausea and headaches, Husband offers to stay home. I always tell him I'll be okay but he's already making a phone call arranging for his assignments to be taken down for him or informing a lecturer of his pending absence.

On days I cannot seem to function, like today, Husband cooks. That's his joy; cooking. He loves the kitchen, and I love his cooking - win/win situation, no?

To my Super Hubby-bi. My Mr. Walter-man.
Thank you.
I LOVE YOU.

Dinda.

Little Embryo

Baby mine,
Bonda and Ayahanda love you very much.
Lekat elok-elok ya.
You take your time. We'll be right here, InsyaAllah.

Listen to your Ayahanda.
Every night, he loves to have a chat with you, sometimes sing.
Listen, ya. He is wise. And gong. :D
A very valuable combination.

Despite the occasional turmoil and evil,
this world is actually a beautiful place.
And insyaAllah, it'll be even more so when you arrive.
Bonda knows you'll be beautiful in every way.
Because you have a part of your Ayahanda in you.

Don't mind people if they have something unintelligent to say about you.
Or your Ayahanda and Bonda.
We love you already now that you're just our little embryo.
Imagine how much we'll love, insyaAllah when you're you.
People can say that you'll be a dark baby ke, have your Bonda's very pronounce and disturbingly visible chin ke,
Be ganas ke, Won't like to mandi ke,
Biar.
You are you.
We love you.
You are perfect in every way that Allah s.w.t has created you.
Unintelligent people like them can go fly kites.

So baby mine,
Our knight/Our grace,
Lekat elok-elok ya.
We love you.

InsyaAllah we'll see how you're doing in there, next week.

Bonda

The Cannots

7 weeks into the pregnancy (Alhamdulillah) and I'm struck with fever. Sore throat possibly caused by the festive season (makan macam-macam at one time) has left me fighting a slight fever. Now the sniffles is making its presence known. We went to go see our family doctor to get the mildest of prescriptions because we don't want our little embryo's food source to be tainted with unnecessary drugs.

We learnt quite a few things during this early stages of pregnancy. Mainly that I will be very much out of it, in terms of morning sickness, just right after Subuh prayers. Other "cannot"s largely involve food.

I cannot eat my normal portion of meals in one sitting, or else everything would come rushing back out. i.e. I can no longer eat two pieces of toast for breakfast. Just one, maybe just half.

I cannot eat McDonald's. Or smell any of the burgers. Fries, on the other hand, is fine.

I cannot eat chicken. I realised that my taste buds have rejected the taste of chicken and the throat refuses to swallow even a morsel of poultry.

I cannot smell frying food. The kitchen, when someone is cooking, is off limits.

I can no longer stomach Snapple®. :(

I cannot feed the cats. I go near the cats and someone will be screaming (or according to Husband, lovingly calling out with extreme loudness) at me to come back inside the house.

I cannot do laundry, or at least I cannot carry our laundry basket, even if there are only two or three items of clothing in it.

Looking forward to finding out more of our "Cannot"s.

Anis

Eid 2008; Love and Drama

Happy Eidul Fitri everyone.

Raya this year is wonderful. Never short of Love and Drama. First as a wife and an expectant mother. The Raya morning was a slight damper to the excitement in a way because I couldn't get out of bed. Queasy. Nauseous. Light-headed. Cramps. All in waves flooded over. Got ready slightly later than usual. Raya with Husband's family later than scheduled. Got to Kg. Pandan later than expected. But all were awesome.

The next day was overshadowed by some unwanted events. It is never fair when you and/or the one you love, become the outlet, the target of someone's anger and unhappiness, which is clearly meant for someone else. However, we refuse to fuel any flames with unnecessary catty retorts. It is enough that we know, more importantly, Allah s.w.t. knows, what were or weren't our intentions.

The unfortunate event was a constant gray cloud over Eid, but nothing could make us any less happy. We had a great time with family. Mommy, Daddy, Brother, Sister in-law, Niece, Husband; it's always a crazy fun time when we're all in one place. Great food. The trip back to Kuantan was wonderful. And the whole pregnancy-related nine yards.

Patiently waiting for day 120 of pregnancy, when the ruh is bestowed by Allah s.w.t upon this lump of congealed blood in my belly.

Anis