Grieving

Routine check-up for Baby Peanut on July 5th.
I feel fine.

Doc scans tummy.
I can see the baby, snug in the womb.
Doc measures the Crown to Romp length; estimated age is 8weeks +
First red flag.
Baby is supposed to be 10 weeks.

Doc uses a heat doppler.
Everything around the baby was red.
Another red flag.
There's no red dot near the chest.

My heart was racing.
I knew something was wrong.

Doc used the sound finder to detect the sound of baby's heartbeat.
Silence.

Then everything came crashing.

Our baby is gone.
Peanut is still inside me.
I don't feel any less pregnant.
But Peanut is gone.

There are no words.