Thoughts

Yes, Alhamdulillah we're married. Matt and I are MARRIED. I love this feeling.

As my husband happily sleeps next to me after a LONG day at work today, I was thinking to myself about who I was when I met him and who I am now. Throughout the years I suppose I've grown as a person or even shed those un-admirable qualities. So, I decided to make a short list of who I am now.

1. I try not to let people who obviously try to provoke a certain kind of reaction from me by sending me crude messages get to me. I have million and one things to say in my defense and to defend my husband, but it will all be a waste of time because people like that don't deserve your time of day.

2. I am easily irritated by the idea of my husband going back to Pelangi by himself. I want to come with but that place makes me uncomfortable. Dilemma? I guess so.

3. I sometimes think about my exs, though not in a "what could've been" way. I wonder sometimes how they're doing (or who they're doing) and just wonder... Some are quite bitter with me while others, we have reconciled and became friends. Friends who are happy for me and my husband.

4. I think about my husband's exs and think "Wow, they were so lucky", you know, to have loved him once. I sometimes wonder if they still think my husband is with me how he was with them. For example, my husband once said that he sangat berkira with money with his exs but with me he spends on me like money grows on trees. So sometimes I wonder if they pity me because my husband is supposedly kedekut. I wish I could tell them that he is not only Matt with me. But Ezamir as well. More Ezamir than Matt. And I love it.

5. I hate when there's something wrong with the car, men ask me stupid questions like "Did you put fuel IN the car?" Hullo. I know a little bit more on the inner workings of a car than most pretty boys out there.

6. I like how my body looks. And so does my husband. TRUST ME! So I try not to let people's comments about my extra lipat kat perut tu bother me so much. Sometimes tersinggung but I always have this comfort in knowing that most men HATE skinny bitches.

7. I like the idea of cooking but not the idea of people eating my cooking, other than my husband. He has no choice! He's stuck here. Muahahaa. Kidding. Yeah, I like to cook but I am terrified by people's feedback after tasting my cooking so, to make it easier on everyone, I don't cook. At least not when the family's at home.

8. About being married, alot of people ask us what's it like being married. When we say it's the best feeling in the world and that we're ecstatic, they'll turn around and say, "Oh, really? Yeah, thats how it feels for the first year, after that takda dah..." Seriously, jealous much???

9. I'm very quick with spiteful remarks, like this one time a hypothetical interviewer would ask "We only hire women without headscarves. Would you be willing to take yours off to get this job?" Before my head could say anything my mouth already said "God is above any one of you. So no, I am not willing to take off my headscarf. If you feel obliged to fire me, by all means. I do not want to burn in hell like all of you will." But then again, all of this happens in my head. Once or twice, I fail to bite my tongue and something really wrong comes out of it...

10. I often wonder why when I play with cats, I grit my teeth really, really hard. Weird... Geram maybe.

I think I'll stop here now. Battery's running low and the eyelids are growing heavy. The sound of my husband's breathing is lullaby to me.

xoxo,
Anis